VISUAL: Lexi sits at a pristine desk, smiling nervously. On-screen text: Day 1 at my new job. So far, so... weird. LEXI (to camera, whispering) Okay, first day. The office has a "hydration station" that's just a sink, and my onboarding packet is just a single laminated card that says "Embrace the Vortex." I have so many questions. CHAD (O.S.) No questions! Only vortex! (Chad pops into frame, beaming. He high-fives the wall.) LEXI (To Chad) Uh, hey. I’m Lexi. Where’s the actual onboarding? Tax forms, HR stuff? CHAD (Smiling serenely) HR is a state of mind, Lexi. And taxes are just a societal construct that limits our abundance mindset. Now, come. Blaine is about to ring the Gong of Clarity. ON-SCREEN TEXT: The Gong of what now? (Video 2: 0:19-0:38) VISUAL: The entire open-plan office is gathered around a large, Tibetan-style gong. BLAINE stands before it, holding a mallet. He’s wearing a suit with sneakers and a live lizard on his shoulder. BLAINE Team! Synergy-seekers! We stand at the precipice of a new paradigm! The market is a jungle, and we are not the lions... nor the gazelles... (He pauses for dramatic effect.) BLAINE We are the mosquitoes! Small, agile, and we drain our competitors dry! (A confused, then forced, smattering of applause.) BLAINE But to be the mosquito, we must first be the swamp! We must embrace the murk! The dissonance! The... glorious, beautiful mess! (He hits the gong. It’s deafening. The lizard flinches.) BLAINE NOW! Let's leverage our core competencies and go disrupt lunch! LEXI (to camera, as everyone chants "SWAMP! SWAMP! SWAMP!") I think I just joined a cult. My 401k is probably just a bucket of sand and good intentions